CHAPTER 19 “Accelerating Boredom”
Thursday 2 February 2812
The sign Danika put up in protest read:
Welcome to Trillium Starship.
No pets allowed.
I’m bummed. ISTRI responded with an apology and a bunch of reasons why pets are a bad idea. They suggested we could like build robot pets instead. It occurred to me that although I cannot have a real live pet, I’m getting ready to have a real live baby.
The first step, of course, is to change my b-mod from menstrual-negative mode to menstrual-positive. In my case, my b-mod will also be switched at the same time from birth control mode to fertility mode. Normally that requires applying to the Federal Health Department with documentation certifying that a Stage One Parent License was received from an accredited institution. That prevents a gal from getting knocked up before learning how to care for self and fetus during pregnancy.
In my case, there’s no one here to get me pregnant. So, I’ve got to get a Parent License before they let the robotic doc knock me up with a thawed-out zygote.
Like big deal. So, I’m under “Captain’s Orders” to study and earn my Stage One license. I admit I could use some pointers on appropriate exercise and “maternal” nutrition but I’m already wondering about Stage Two & Three Licenses. ¿I mean, am I going to have to swear that I won’t let the little brat eat non-existent dog poop, jaywalk across non-existent streets, or talk to non-existent strangers?
Captain Perry accessed the b-mod code series from the controller and selected “Activate.” The time required to switch my b-mod was a millisecond or two. In two or three months I’ll have my first ‘period,’ a.k.a. menarche. In other words, cramps, hormonal hell, electrolyte fluctuations, and menstrual flow; the dreaded Curse. After two or three of those, and after earning my Stage One Parent License, and after a physical, the robo doc will implant a zygote that has already been selected to become my daughter; the seventh crewmember.
Friday 3 February 2812
Dear Mom,
I woke this morning to see stars moving past my viewing port. Trillium is now spinning. This will provide us with enough “gravity” to stay healthy. Some problems of zero g – such as weakening of the immune system – have never been adequately solved. After all, we evolved to live with an Earth-bound 1 g of gravity. The disk will eventually spin fast enough for us to experience 0.8 g. That will be about one revolution every 70 seconds. Thankfully, the increase will be gradual over several days.
Everyone told me the spinning will not cause nausea. Unfortunately, no one told my stomach that. So far, the rotation is very slow but I’ve up-chucked once already. I’m pretty certain that my vestibular system was unable to detect the rotation but when I looked out at the stars and saw the sky rotate, my tummy had a fit. Brilliantly, Xingxing taped a shade over my viewport. When I want to do some stargazing, I can do that on my e-pad or on any monitor and tell the controller to cancel the rotation. It’s silly but it helps. It’s not easy being green.
Our 3 living modules have separated from each other and from the fuselage and are floating outward on cables. The monster antenna is beginning to unfurl and will serve for communications and as a light sail.
From now on, we cannot walk straight into another module. Instead, we will ascend a kilometer-long cable ‘up’ to the fuselage and then descend a kilometer-long cable ‘down’ to the destination module. Although the g force at the modules will be 0.8, the higher you climb the weaker the g force until you reach the hub. Nonetheless, 2 kilometers of cable just to borrow a cup of sugar is a lot so that’s where George will help. George is our boxy and homely little chore bot. To transfer a cup of sugar to another module, just call George. He has a storage compartment and is designed to skitter up and down the ladders. He has his own little airlock on each of the modules so he can get in and out on his errands by himself.
Love you,
Estrella
Friday 10 February 2812
“Hey Xingxing, Esty.” Hvezda’s voice jarred me into the present. “¿You like to join us in game of poker?”
“Fat chance,” I replied.
“I worked with techies and make poker game for us. I put two chairs at little table next to wall. Go there and sit down.”
Xingxing and I shrugged our shoulders, vaulted over to the chairs, and sat at the smallish table where the wall made an interior 120° angle.
“Open middle drawer and take out cards,” said her disembodied voice.
There were blue bicycle playing cards in the drawer. I pulled out the cards and looked at them.
“Hvezda, these cards are blank.”
Hvezda continued, “First game is 5-card draw. You take 5 cards and Xingxing take 5 cards.” Rather skeptically I took 5 of the blank cards, spread them out on the table blank side up, and gave 5 to Xingxing.
“Now controller deals.” Immediately my five cards looked like real cards with values. I was stunned but not too stunned to reach out and cover them with my hands, hopefully before Xingxing saw what they were.
“Now best part.” The wall in front of us suddenly disappeared and we were sitting across from Hvezda, Captain Perry, Sitara, and Danika. It was a holo projection! The four of them were obviously enjoying our surprise. Xingxing immediately put her hand on the wall to examine the holoscreen. The little table we were sitting at was indistinguishable as a separate table; it seemed to be nothing more than our side of a larger table.
Hvezda took a card from her hand, put it face down on the table, and took a card from the small pile in front of her. “Esty, it’s your turn to discard.”
“Gimme a second.” I had a three, a Jack of Hearts, an ace of Diamonds, a seven of Clubs, and a seven of Spades. I put the three and Jack face down on the table and picked up two more cards from our pile. They were blank. Nope, they became a three of Hearts and a Queen of Spades. “This is freaking awesome. Hvezda, you are a genius.”
“¿It take you this long to realize?” She picked up the pile of cards in front of her and threw them at me. I shrieked and ducked but the cards just hit an invisible barrier with a whump and gently settled to the table.
With lifted spirits we filled the afternoon with our usual poker table banter. Twice I stubbed my fingers against the wall having forgotten it was there.
Sleeping in one g is something I did for nearly two decades without much problem. Now, however, no matter which way I turn, it’s just not comfortable with Trillium spinning me up to 8 tenths g. I guess I got low-g-spoiled.
Cripes, there are noises coming from down the corridor and they are getting louder. “Lights seven,” I commanded.
I sat up in time to see Captain Perry and Sitara enter the room fighting with swords and metal shields. I was pretty certain I wasn’t dreaming. They stopped and Sitara faced me with a silly grin.
“We’re passing the orbit of Mars, God of War,” Sitara offered as some manner of explanation. Celeste swung her sword at Sitara without warning, but it must have been scripted since Sitara smoothly deflected the blow and delivered a strike of her own. Without slowing their choreographed battle, they continued on to Xingxing’s room. Soon they battled back through my room and down the corridor toward the airlock.
Before turning the lights off, I told the controller, “Nav data, vocal.”
“Mission 6 days, 17 point 1 hours. Distance from Earth 164 point 6 million kilometers. Velocity 526 point 1 kilometers per second.”
I’d trade it all for a good night’s sleep.
“Lights off.”
Saturday 17 February 2812
I was doing pretty well for a change when Celeste decided to leave the poker game early. Much later, as the five of us contemplated our poker hands, Xingxing and I heard someone enter the airlock from outside. We got up and waited to see why Celeste was paying us a visit. She stepped through the door looking most bizarre.
“Bow down, you mortals!” She was wearing a beard and toga and was completely white as though she were covered with flour. “It is I, Jupiter, God of Gods, who commands you to bow down.”
“Let me guess,” I said. “We’ve reached Jupiter.”
“The impertinent mortal is correct. Your journey brings you to my home and you must bow to me or suffer dire consequences.”
Celeste did not have a chance. We tackled her before she could retreat through the door, wrapped her up like a giant burrito in her toga, and locked her in a closet until we could finish the poker hand.
After letting her out, all six of us watched the huge planet spiral around in our viewing ports and on our monitors. Fabulous.
Trillium was using a puny gravity slingshot maneuver around the planet. We will pick up less than a kilometer per second, but every little bit helps.
Celeste then donned her spacesuit for her kilometer-long climb up to the hub and another kilometer down to the Tech Module. As soon as she left, I turned to Danika and Hvezda in the holo.
“Hey guys. Captain Perry could use a little rest when she gets to your module. You could do as we did and role her up in her toga for a couple of minutes.”
Wednesday 22 February 2812
“¿Why don’t you fix the broken pump?” asked François in the video clip.
“OK. ¿Who wants to take the kid’s question? Esty, I think you should take this one. ¿Do you need a minute?”
“Uh. Redundant. Risky to repair at point eight g. Might not even be broken. ¿Anything else?” I asked.
“It’s a good question,” Xingxing added.
“OK. Roll it. François, that’s a good question and I would not be surprised if you and some others are worried about our traveling with something broken but actually it is nothing to worry about. The pumps move cooling liquid through pipes all around Trillium’s disk but there are many more pumps than we really need. Trillium has about a thousand of them and the broken pump is surrounded by pumps that are working. Trying to repair it while the engines are running would be risky. The liquid is hot and being outside now would be like climbing on the outside of the Eiffel Tower. Scary. After we shut down our engines about a year from now, we can float out and inspect it in zero g. It might not even be broken. All we know is that it doesn’t answer when we ask it how well it is working. Thank you for your concern, François.”
Thursday 23 February 2812
Dear Mom,
It feels like a lot longer, but it’s only been three weeks since leaving ZERO Station. We are farther from the sun than Saturn now. When I hit “send,” the radio signal carrying this email will travel an hour and twenty minutes just to get to Earth. That makes my separation – our separation – feel even more palpable. Although I’ve known since last July that this would be a final parting and a one-way trip, the reality is growing ever more stark.
Each second now takes us another 1,500 kilometers farther and each second underscores the impossibility of seeing you again – of seeing Earth again. Regardless, I feel in my heart that joining this fabulous, brainy, silly, and talented crew on this incredible mission was the right choice.
Thank you for the emails and the videos. Keep them coming.
Love you,
Estrella
Wednesday 29 February 2812
Danika challenged me to a “cat-fight.” We are building robot cats and the better builder gets bragging rights. In truth, we are working with students back on earth. I’m working with Sagerston High, and Danika is working with an upper school near Stockholm. The students in Sagerston and I are building identical catbots.
The project quickly became rather cumbersome since the students only get together for a few hours each week but nothing except the lack of sleep prevents me from working on my catbot continuously. Every tiny detail and every clever idea goes to a student committee and I can’t make any progress until they finish hashing over the plans interminably. It wouldn’t surprise me if Danika is having a similar experience.
There are ready-made catbot plans on the web but it was decided that we have to design our own. The students are buying a lot of store-bought components, but we are kinda out of reach of delivery services out here. However, there’s more than one way to skin a catbot. The kids bought a commercial ball joint specified in one of the plans, scanned it in 3D, sent me the file, and one of our minifactories produced four of them in just a few minutes. Trillium’s minifactories are way more capable than anything available to the kids at Sagerston High. Pretty slick. We’ve now done that with several more parts.
I ‘requisitioned’ a couple of replacement cams to use as eyes. We found generic programmable microcircuits to use for neural functions such as pattern recognition, auditory recognition, tactile senses, cognitive skills, memory, locomotion, behavioral sets, balance, overall integration, and diagnostics. The schoolteacher and I are working with the kids to program those. All of the microcircuits have built-in learning capabilities so catbot will be more than the sum of its parts; it will develop habits, quirks, cleverness, and – as tends to be true with complex bots – psychoses.
Our fiber extruder and loom make it possible to create a flexible cloth that resembles fur but since it is also possible to incorporate designs and colors, the school’s art class is getting involved. This is going to be one awesome catbot – but it‘s like taking forever.
Wednesday 14 March 2812
Dearest Caleb,
Everything I’ve ever heard about the “Curse” was candy-coated; it is far worse. It sucks royally and I’ve got to put up with it at least once more before getting pregnant. I should also mention that it’s a pain in the ass for my crewmates as well. I get crankier than I thought possible; makes me wonder that all women weren’t burned at the stake.
We’ve made minuscule course corrections to rendezvous with the supply of propellant that went out months ago, but we won’t catch up with it for another 20 weeks.
We are 40 days into the mission, and we are like farther from the sun than Neptune and traveling about one percent the speed of light. Going this fast, we could circle the Earth at the equator four times every minute. It’s hauling ass and yet we have another 325 days of accelerating yet to go. Transmissions to Earth take over four hours just to get there. We’ve prepared several of our daily interviews in the same session to give us a day off now and then.
As you know, Mom is back in Sagerston but in a much better apartment building right in the city center. She can afford it since she gets a percentage from sales of all the “Esty” dolls and “Esty” jewelry and pink RC “Esty” helicopters and all the other “Esty” crap. I suggested they come out with “Esty Barf Bags” but nobody took me seriously.
I miss your tender touch and our lovemaking. Be good to Nooshan, dammit!
Esty
Tuesday 3 April 2812
Danika turns 29 today and I knitted her a monogrammed collar, leash, and food dish for her catbot. Xingxing made her an animated collage with video clips of Danika and Xingxing together during interviews and training and goofing off.
Rather than just send my presents by George, I decided to take the cables to the Tech Module and give Danika our presents – and a hug – in person. Sitara approved my journey, Xingxing helped me with my suit, and soon I was outside.
Shit. I looked straight up the cable that seems to disappear before it reaches Trillium’s fuselage. Worse, the entire fucking cosmos is rotating around me. Barfing in a space helmet is even less fun than barfing in zero g, so I quickly closed my eyes until the nausea ebbed away. I resolved to focus only on the cable in front of my helmet before I dared open my eyes again. I connected the cable crawler to my suit and released my tether to the Nursery Modules. Staring at the cable seemed to prevent nausea so I activated the cable crawler and up I went.
At the hub, I clicked my safety line onto a fuselage cable, disconnected the cable crawler, and floated around the fuselage. I quickly realized there was no way to avoid viewing stars when I needed to connect to the Tech Module cable crawler. I gave in and told my suit to dose me with its anti-nausea medicine. I waited with closed eyes perhaps two minutes until certain the drug had time to do its work.
Damn, I should have dosed myself earlier. The view is spectacular. The sheer number of stars is mind-boggling. Our rotation at a minute-and-a-quarter per revolution now seems so tame as to be stately. The Sun and the outer planets directly below me are awesome; the solar system; my former home.
“¿Esty? Are you all right,” asked Sitara through the intercom. “Your blood pressure, pulse, and breathing are almost too low for my display; and you haven’t moved for a long time.”
“Thanks for checking, Sitara. I’m just star-gazing and the brightest is the Sun we left.”
“¿Feeling a little homesick, girl?”
“Maybe a bit, Sitara. Maybe a bit.”
The ride down to the Tech Module was easy, especially since nausea was no longer a concern. Danika and Hvezda greeted me as I came through the airlock and helped me out of the suit.
We got together at the poker table, sang Happy Birthday, and ate some amazing berry sherbet that Sitara had made. Danika then opened the presents. Celeste made her a vase full of pussy willows with a surprise; touching the vase sets off a cacophony of mewing, hissing, and caterwauling. Sitara gave her a vial of saffron anthers for cooking. Danika opened the embroidered box from Hvezda, lifted out a candle, did a double-take, quickly replaced the candle, slammed the lid shut, and shoved the box behind her.
“You can’t do that,” I said. “¿What’s in there?”
“Candles.”
I grabbed for the box as Danika twisted around to protect it with her body. I tickled her ribs with both hands and as she shrieked, I snatched the box. I put the candle aside and pulled out … a vibrator! We squealed with laughter and maybe with a twinge of embarrassment.
“¿Whatever are these buttons for?” I asked. I pressed one and the vibrator sang, “I’ve Got You Under My Skin.”
I pressed another button and we heard a man’s voice panting, “Oh baby, oh baby, oh yes, oh yes, yes, yes.” More squeals.
Captain Perry’s voice interrupted, “I’m sorry, girls. But this is clearly prohibited by ISTRI rule 269. Esty, close the box back up and have George deliver it to the Command Module.”
“¿What? ¿What rule?”
“Is no such rule,” Hvezda said authoritatively. “Is Danika’s to keep.”
“Well, it was worth a try,” Celeste said. “But I get to borrow it first.”
“Hvezda, send me the minifactory file, if you would,” asked Sitara. “Saluting the Federation flag just isn’t enough of an inspiration.”
Needless to say, the repartée only got bawdier after that.
Saturday 14 April 2812
I was on the rag with my second ‘period’ when the controller beeped at us and announced in the voice of the original “Terminator” actor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, “Object vaporized. Estimated mass zero point six grams. Range 1055 meters.” That was Trillium’s death ray. It continually scans for pebbles, pea gravel, sand, rocks, bottle caps, anything that Trillium is about to smash into, and vaporizes them with lasers. Instead of colliding with a solid, we collide with the hot gaseous residue of whatever it was with a transient heating of the disk’s forward shield; hopefully without too much damage.
Thursday 26 April 2812
The ‘daily’ interviews are now only three times a week due to a drop in ratings back on Earth; you know, that planet we left 12 weeks ago. Makes me wonder whether anyone back on Earth will care about our mission by the time Trillium reaches New Sol some 300 years from now.
Saturday 28 April 2812
It was just another day. Xingxing and I quietly munched on our sandwiches while I pretended to be absorbed with my e-pad display but instead I was feeling the cold heartlessness of space expanding around us.
The mission ‘actuarial tables’ show that the catastrophic loss of an occupied module is quite unlikely, but possible; however, the calculations were made with insufficient hard data. ¿How dense is the distribution of rocks and sand and dust and ice in the Oort Cloud? ¿How dense is the distribution of rocks and sand and dust and ice between the Oort Cloud and New Sol? ¿What is the size distribution of those rocks and chunks of ice? ¿How many are too large for our Death Ray to totally vaporize in time?
Wednesday 2 May 2812
I woke from my dreams to adrenaline-releasing shrieks. It was Xingxing.
“Lights at 6; entire module,” I yelled at the controller as I rushed into the adjacent room where she slept. She was sitting up in her white silk nightgown and rapidly gasping and whimpering. She turned toward me and the horror and fear contorting her face made the hair on the back of my neck stand.
“It’s OK, Xingxing. You’re having a bad dream. Everything is all right.”
She glared with fear and distrust. Then her mind clawed its way back from the abyss. “Esty. Oh, I’m sorry. For a moment you were… were something else. I woke you.”
“I can get back to sleep easy enough but I think you need some time to .…” Xingxing held her arms out, inviting me, beckoning me, imploring me to fill them. I moved into her embrace while kneeling beside her on the narrow bed. The side of her face pressed into my bosom and I felt the wetness of her tears soaking into the over-sized t-shirt I sleep in. At last the immense tension began to ebb away.
Ever so very gently – barely moving – I rocked her in my arms for an endless time. On the far side of that slice of eternity, she pulled back her head and without making eye contact, told me, “I think I can get back to sleep now.”
“¿Would you like me to stay here with you?”
Xingxing looked up to read my face. “That would be very nice.”
I backed off of her bed so she could pull back the covers and then I climbed in next to her. She pushed one of the two pillows toward me and I settled into a comfortable position for sleeping; sleeping with a sister.
“Lights out.”
Saturday 12 May 2812
Captain Perry turned 64 today and all of us, Celeste included of course, sang the traditional “When I’m Sixty-Four” as we sat together at the holographic poker table. Danika and Xingxing have particularly good singing voices. George has been extra busy ferrying presents up and down the cables. The cake segments couldn’t handle a vacuum so Sitara put them in air-tight containers before giving them to George.
Xingxing reprised her gift to Danika by creating another animated collage; this one has videos of her and Celeste. Hvezda made Celeste a toga hemmed in gold and stitched with a rectangular design. The toga plays video clips on its front that were taken by the room cameras when she was playing the part of Jupiter. Normally it stops short of the moment we tackled her but with the voice command, “Get her!” it starts at the tackle with the volume turned up. Sitara gave her a bouquet of real flowers from their farm box. Danika made her a spice rack with ten little jars and three of them had thyme, rosemary, and sage she had grown and dried. I made her a rose blossom that lights up and exudes a rose scent whenever it hears the line from Shakespeare, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Danika spoke at it a few time until she got it to work with, “A nose by Andy’s other brain would smell like feet.”
Wednesday 30 May 2812
Another May birthday. This time it’s Hvezda’s 46th birthday. I agonized over what to get her and finally settled on a silly little toy. It’s got two people holding hands, who are supposed to be the two of us, mounted on a low platform about 15 cm in diameter. When you touch the ‘on’ button, the platform moves forward with the two people swinging their arms. At regular intervals, the platform stops, rotates 90°, the two figures bow, the platform rotates back and continues. Half the time the mechanism jams but I ran out of time to get everything right. None of the others quite understood it but we were glad to fill them in on the details of our experiences that day on Bulolombe.
Hvezda got a pair of earrings with a rotating Earth from Danika, the expected animated collage from Xingxing, and slippers with headlights from Celeste.
If you are getting bored, dear reader, please consider our situation. One can only watch so many holovideos, read so many books, study so many lessons, before ennui sets in. So I started writing this story from the time Dr. Esteban was assassinated. Plenty of time to write and rewrite my experiences. Hopefully there will be some very pleasant, but engaging, adventures for me to write about as we continue away from you. But no more evil; from now on, I am finally out of reach of the Goots.
Sunday 24 June 2812
The only guaranteed way for us Earthlings to reach New Sol and colonize New Earth is through reproduction and my turn has come. I completed my Stage One Parent License and automated equipment just thawed out my daughter. If she passes inspection, I’ll be pregnant in just a few minutes.
I told my crewmates that I did not want them watching the process and Danika seemed genuinely upset by that. I am just not that comfortable with the idea of people staring at me while I get ‘fucked’ by a surgical robot, regardless that all of us assisted with implantations at Mulago Hospital. But this is me.
Xingxing helped me set up the surgical robot.
“¿You sure you don’t want me here, Esty?”
“Thanks, but you’ll hear me scream if anything goes wrong.”
A bell sounded and a green light indicated that my daughter was A-OK and ready.
Xingxing smiled, gave my hand a squeeze, and then she was gone through the doorway. I lay down on the operating table, took a slow deep breath, and told the controller, “Proceed with implantation.” Two levers unfolded, deftly lifted my robe open, and it was all over in less than two minutes. I lay there another ten minutes or so thinking about the embryo that I was now protecting and that I will soon be nurturing with my own blood. Then I sat up, planted my bare feet on the floor, and opened the door to Xingxing and a live camera.
“¿How’d it go?”
“¿What did it feel like?”
“¿Did the robot light up a cigarette afterwards?”
“Guys, guys, guys,” I said. “There isn’t much to tell and right now I’m just glad it’s over.” With that, I squeezed past Xingxing and went to get dressed.
Wednesday 27 June 2812
Lately, the six of us have been watching old sci-fi video programs (with subtitles) as though we were together. We share the same feed so if one of us wants to grab a snack or use the bathroom, we stop the feed and chat with each other as though we were in the same module. Most recently we watched “StarMax,” “Firefly,” and “Worm Hole Two.”
It’s time for yet another birthday, Xingxing’s. I modified a hologram of a piece of jade floral artwork to use trillium blossoms instead of lotus blossoms, printed it out in 3D, hand-polished it, and used it as the centerpiece of a necklace. Sitara made an elegant red Chinese robe in imitation silk with a trillium blossom pattern. Danika made a video collage of the two of them but only with bloopers: tripping on a rug, letting slip an expletive during an interview, spilling coffee, picking boogers, throwing up – I’m not the only one – and more. Hvezda made her a holographic Chinese fireworks show, about two meters high, complete with serious audio booms and pops. Celeste made a perfect model of Trillium except the disk is decorated with cherry blossoms and birds, making it nearly indistinguishable from a Chinese parasol.
Wednesday 4 July 2812
Xingxing has been helping me design and build the catbot. She insisted that the ears need to move like little radar antennae, so she worked on that and got them turning toward sounds rather convincingly.